I promise to love, honor and cherish ... money

It's June, when the paddocks are opened and the bridal season busts out as eagerly as the favored filly at Bay Meadows.

I wouldn't want to put a damper on that, but I have a message for some brides, and you know who you are, too.

If you are getting married for any reason other than eyes-wide-open true love with a man who shares your life-goals, don't!.

Just like Clarence in "It's a Wonderful Life," I am going to give you a peek into your future if you get married to someone who you are vaguely attracted to and ambivalently in love with, but is going to provide you with a very cushy lifestyle — weekly spa treatments, the opulent house, the luxury cars, the exotic vacations, the cosmetic surgery, the tennis and swim club membership, the private schools and the designer clothes..

Your future is Rocco.

Rocco is a man I know, a very attractive, fit, charming thirtysomething straight man who is a gigolo. Well, that's not his official job, but for all intents and purposes, that's what he does, and he does it well. His real job puts him in a place where privileged women frequent, and he has been privy to their secrets for the past few years.

Here's what he's learned: Despite the lavish lifestyles these women have, given to them by the hard work (or not) of their big-wig hubbies and one in which they are constantly measuring themselves up against others, including their neighbors and close friends and the women in their book clubs and on the gala-planning committees, they are bored and unhappy and they are ever-so-eager to take Rocco for a romp in the sack to fill up the void and give them a reason to feel alive.

Most of their hubbies are cheating on them and they know that. They either put up with it (because, you know, look at all that they have!) and get back at them by letting Rocco drive their $60,000 Porsche or Lexus while they take him out shopping and a fancy meal before they bang him silly, or they're biding their time, all the while planning how they're going to screw their hubby in divorce court and take him for everything he has — right after they let Rocco drive their $60,000 Porsche or Lexus while http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifthey take him out shopping and a fancy meal before they bang him silly.

So before you say "I do" anytime soon, think about what you're truly saying "I do" to. And if a lavish lifestyle is all you're after, if you're not marrying the man you really want to love and cherish in sickness, health, for better and for worse, well, you can have it — and Rocco, too. He'll be waiting for you.

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