Sometimes when you catch a glimpse of yourself as viewed through someone else's filter, you have to wonder whose reality is the real one — theirs or yours?
I was over a friend's house recently, catching up and enjoying the slide show of the pictures she took of the backpacking trip she, her husband and another couple took in Utah's Bryce Canyon National Park.
The photos were amazing, and they reminded my of my wonderful backpacking trip there some 22 years ago.
"You backpacked in Bryce?" she asked me, astonished.
"Yeah. Didn't I ever tell you that?"
"No, and I just can't even imagine you carrying around a 50-pound pack and roughing it. I mean, I've never even seen you without your stilettos and mascara on!"
I laughed along with her, but something inside me was annoyed. I was a big backpacker and camper back in my teens and 20s. How could she only know the fussy girlie side of me?
But the more i thought about it, the more I realized she'd only known me as the Mrs. to Rob, and his idea of roughing it was having to stay in a Motel 6. Rob hadn't backpacked or camped since he was a Boy Scout, and when we married, I gave up that part of me, too. He didn't ask or tell me to; I did it because he wasn't all that interested in it and, as much as I was, I was more interested in him. When Trent was born, I figured at some point we'd start going on family camping trips because boys love that stuff, right? But it never happened, and eventually my backpack, tent and sleeping bag made their way into the Goodwill donation bins.
When Rob and I divorced, I realized that I really missed that part of me. I love my weekly hikes and bike rides and occasional canoeing and kayaking trips, but I want to reclaim the more outdoorsy "me," too. And I know now that whomever I eventually partner with, if that ever happens, will want to backpack and camp with me — or will at least support my desire to do it on my own or with my friends.
Now, I know that loving and living with someone means all sorts of compromises and adjustments. Nothing wrong with that. But I know many people who have either given up something they love to do, or a part of themselves that they love, to be with their partner, but .. is that the way it has to be? Do you have to lose a part of yourself to become part of a couple?
What have you given up for love?
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3 comments:
Hi Kat,
Thanks for visiting my blahg and thanks for leaving a comment. I was so excited. I enjoyed reading your posts and will come back again.
Regarding the question of whether you have to give up a part of yourself-- I think ideally we morph into something better... it's sad to give up something you love but is it not up to us to protect the parts of ourselves we love the most?
Thanks for writing, twm, and for your kind words. I like what I read on your blog, too.
Yes, we should morph into something better, although I suppose that isn't always the case.
And yes, we must protect the parts of ourselves we love. I've learned a lot about love from that experience. Live and learn? Um, yeah, I guess that's the way it should be.
This is great info to know.
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